What I didn’t say…#2

Continuing to chicken out of actually trolling status updates on FaceBook, here is another comment I didn’t post but I did take a screenshot of…
TMobileEdited

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What I didn’t say…#1

Sometimes I’m too much of a pussy to actually say what I want to say on the internet because I guess I’m just not a fan of trolling…So I’ve started typing the comment I would leave someone and then just taking a screenshot of it instead of posting it for this segment I’ll call “What I didn’t say…”

Do Each Other - Edited

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i is hiredz…

If you’re having trouble searching for a job, you might not want to know who just got hired for “a clerk job for a small law firm.” Here is what she posted about it on FaceBook:
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That’s right, this person was hired. –And yes, you read that correctly: The person who hired her wasn’t impressed, she was actually the empress! Not only does she want her to start as soon as possible, she also wants her to start right now!

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Do you ever daydream?

Do you ever stare off some place in a daydream you’ve created based on the world around you? I was sitting on the train and a kid, he must have been anywhere from 16 to 20 years old, (and yes it’s strange I do consider that a “kid” now) knocked over his can of soda. I watched the soda shake on the floor of the train, roll down the aisle to towards the left, then towards the right, following the motion of the train. The kids laughed. A few stops later and I watched them leave the train holding a giant bag of sunflower seeds and what I imagine was a half-empty can of soda. (I should note that “half-filled” was the first word that came into my mind and I originally typed before changing it to “half-empty” which sounded more logical. Does that mean I’m truly optimistic inside?) As the subway doors closed behind them I turned to their former seats to see a pile of wet, half-chewed sunflower seed shells. I turned back but the kids were gone. I was angry that they would leave that sort of litter on the seat next to them and I knew I would’ve said something to them at that moment. “Excuse me, you left something on the seat.” I started to image the entire scene. Maybe I’d say “Are you really going to leave that there?” I played out a scenario where he’d snap back at me and I planned out my retort. The train doors wouldn’t have opened yet. He’d spit at me and I’d snap. I’d punch him in the fact. I flashed back to a similar incident that once happened in my life. And back to the train. The riders would jump up after I’d hit him. Those who witnessed it all from the point of the shells sitting on the seat would’ve been conflicted with my actions. Suddenly I realized ten minutes had passed and with it, my chance to ever speak up to those kids had as well.

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Is Knowledge Power, Or Does Ignorance Overpower It Today?

I don’t like a lot of what I see in the world. I can’t make sense of logic and fact losing to opinion and lies. I’m disgusted by the narrow view of people in the world. I’m annoyed by people who promote ideas they don’t understand. I’m angered by closed-minded people bringing down good in the world. I’m depressed by the ignorance and lack of motivation to challenge it. I’m disappointed by the lack of effort. Where can I go? Where can I be convinced that my faith in humanity need not go out the window? How can I make a difference when no one is willing to give an inch? Why doesn’t science mean the world to everyone, when it is the world whether they like it or not? Ignorance is bliss and I’m starting to see knowledge with a twisted curse around it. I wish I could live in a bubble like them. I wish hadn’t woken up to the destruction of our society, which I think the internet plays a large part in. Don’t get me wrong, I believe the internet has brought us a lot of good and can be positively used as a powerful tool, but I see it doing a lot more than just that. If I didn’t start to question things, I wouldn’t have noticed no one else questioning anything. If I didn’t double check what I read on the internet, I’d have never known the depth of lies spread across it. Maybe I would be happy more of the time if I still thought people were still looking at things with an open mind. For the first time I’ve found something I strongly believe and feel passionately about, but what if good doesn’t always prevail over evil? We’re going backwards and headed in a bad direction. The movies about the uneducated future population we laughed at aren’t very far from becoming a reality. Maybe the scariest part is that I live amongst all of this and I’ve still got to do the best that I can each day. Was I built for this? I am alone.

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What’s Your Biggest Fantasy?

I miss her. I know it’s stupid, but I was really hoping she would wish me a happy birthday on my FaceBook wall. I bet I haven’t crossed her mind since we met, but I know a day hasn’t passed that I haven’t thought about her since we met a year ago. I know we’re not right for each other. She likes to dance and is strong-minded. I know it’s a mess because I dated her close friend and after the messy breakup he’s shown her my textmessages. I was going through a difficult time and it isn’t fair that she will always judge me based on those textmessages. Every time I go on a date I feel like I’m looking for the feeling she gives me, but it just isn’t there. My bestfriend doesn’t even take me seriously. That’s what you get for labeling yourself as something your entire life. But, when you tear down the labels, you’re free to feel anything. My friend thinks it’s a silly phase that shouldn’t be entertained. She thinks it isn’t real. But, I know what a crush feels like. I know because I’ve had so many on so many guys before. This time it isn’t a guy, so what’s the big deal about that? Why does it make it any less real? I remember how excited I was when I walked into the bar with my date, only to see her in the bar. I pretended I didn’t care, but my face had lit up at the sight of her. She made me nervous. I made her laugh once. I remember the details of what that made me feel like. I miss her smile. I only have a few memories of her. I didn’t know her well. I guess in a way I have no idea of what I would’ve felt like about who she truly was. I guess in a way I’m scared of destroying the image I have of her, not knowing her so well. Without knowing her any more than I do, she’s perfect. I don’t torture myself my viewing her FaceBook anymore, but I do miss seeing her face, even if it’s just a picture. Would she find it creepy if she knew? She must think I’ve dropped the crush by now. I wish I could talk to her. I wish I could say anything to her, but she’d see right through me. I wish I could dance. I wish that time when she took my hand and pulled me towards the floor where everyone was dancing, I didn’t decline. I regret that moment. She went home with someone that night. I was with my date, so it wouldn’t have been me either way, but I wish I’d danced with her. If only I could’ve torn myself from the labels while there may have been a chance. Sometimes I wake up and imagine what it would be like if she were lying next to me in my bed. I have fantasies about her, that I guess you could say are of the most inappropriate kind. But, that’s all she’ll ever be to me: A fantasy I’ll never really know.

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Blog No One Reads

It’s strange to have a blog that no one reads. I’ve had a few blogs, but none of them were entirely anonymous, so I always had to write through a certain lens. I’d write every entry, imagining how every friend with a link might read it. I was restricted. I’m free here. I’m as anonymous as you can get with detailed blog updates on the internet now-a-days. I could write some very personal thoughts. I could share sexual stories. I could write about how I really feel about some people. I could share intelligent ideas that might be slightly controversial. I could let you know my real opinion during all of those times I agreed to disagree, said I wouldn’t say anymore, told them I’d remain neutral, or didn’t say it was and didn’t say it wasn’t what I thought. Or, I could just share some mundane insight I made while staring out the window in the subway one day. Sometimes the reflection falls just right and you catch your reflection in the window. You see some version of what everyone else is seeing when they look at you. But when you’re writing for an audience you’ve never met, there isn’t any advertising with a free blog. You’re always writing for yourself, but sometimes you’re also the only one reading your words. When your blog only gets a hit or two a day, a strange paranoia can hover above each sentence. I wind up writing more cautiously because it’s too easy to lose yourself when you’re just writing for you. One can only be so anonymous for so long on the internet, after all…

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